The WEP posts every second month with a prompt and a bunch of short stories or other creative writing. This month's prompt has inspired me to something a little less conventional, but I'm feeling ready to write a little about it. This is non-fiction, and personal.
291 words; Comments only.
LONG SHADOW
A small decision can cast a long shadow. The choice to go for an evening bike ride. Or how far back do you trace the decisions? A move to a new town? The refusal to give night rides after one accident? Or can we blame it on COVID? Because if not for the pandemic, we would have been deep in training for a strenuous July trip to the Swiss Alps. Or was May 8 too early to have shifted from bikes to trails? I can't be sure now.
The decision he made was to ride his bike after dinner, when it was a little cooler, and the sun was no longer beating down on everything. It seemed like a reasonable choice at the time. As far as I know, it was the last decision he made, and the shadow it cast will last the rest of my life, and our sons' lives.
The consequences of that decision reach out into every part of our lives, and the long shadow feels like a good metaphor for it. There is still life and love and joy, but everything is a bit dimmed by that shadow. At first, up close to the source, the shadow makes everything so dark you can't see anything else. Time moves us farther out, and the shadow thins, is less total, but it never goes away.
But there is another long shadow, that cast by the love and generosity and the giving heart that was stilled that night. The hundreds of lives he touched in a 29-year teaching career. All the people he listened to and cared about and swapped stories with all over the world. Some part of him lives on in all of them.
Every life casts a long shadow, and every loss casts a long shadow. The same metaphor, but almost opposite meaning: the gift of self, and the loss of half my self.
All images and text ©Rebecca M. Douglass, unless otherwise indicated.
As always, please ask permission to use any photos or text. Link-backs appreciated!
This is so beautiful and true, Rebecca. I'm so glad I read it. I totally understand the feelings you express, especially how loss casts a long shadow on our lives that never goes away. My heart is with you.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Natalie. I’m glad you said that, because as soon as I hit “publish” I had doubts, but it felt right to share now.
DeleteSo true that every life and every loss of life cast a long shadow in exactly opposite ways. Especially, the life and loss of loved one impacts us the most and cast deepest shadows on our lives.
ReplyDeleteThe more I thought about it, the more I could see the shadow both ways!
DeleteBeautiful. Loss and love. The bigger the love, the longer and deeper those shadows become.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you were able to write and share - every step does thin the loss shadow and deepen the love shadow.
Sending hugs your way!
Thanks for the thoughtful words and the hugs!
DeleteWhat a great take on this theme, Rebecca. It was sincere, touching, and so true.
ReplyDeleteHeartbreaking. Beautiful and poignant.
ReplyDeleteI am so very glad to read that the shadow of grief includes thankfulness for all the lives touched, blessed....
As a teacher, Dave had the chance to touch a lot of lives. Even if only a small percentage of those students were changed or helped, that's a lot of people :)
DeleteSo sorry for your loss. A great tribute to a good man.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing. It's a sentiment that is impacting too many lives right now.
ReplyDeleteYes. I think about how many people are suffering similar losses.
DeleteHugs xxxxxx
ReplyDeleteAww... Thanks!
DeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteHaving gone through a loss in 2019, I felt your loss and the shadow of what was and is no more.
Thank you and my heart goes out to you.
Shalom aleichem,
Pat Garia
Thank you. Hugs back to you.
DeleteBeautiful, and it was courageous of you to share it.
ReplyDeleteWhen my father had a stroke in 2004, it altered my mother's, brother's and son's lives forever, even though my brother and I were adults and my son was fourteen years old at the time. There are some key people in life and when they are gone it changes everything.
~Cie from Naughty Netherworld Press~
I do feel it for my sons, a lot. They are at such a critical age, so young not to have a dad anymore.
DeleteRebecca, so poignant knowing this story. I hope sharing it lessened the grief just a smidge. Some decisions do cast a long shadow. But I like that you brought in the positive, too, with kindnesses casting a long shadow. He's gone, but what powerful memories you made together right to the end. Thanks for being brave enough to share your story.
ReplyDeleteI think this is how I know I really am a writer, even though I'm sometimes struggling to write: when something huge happens, I want to write about it, and share it :)
DeleteHi..Yes all decisions cast a long shadow. Some happy, some sad. Loss and love are two sides of the same coin. Thank you for sharing a piece of your heart here.
ReplyDeleteI'm so very sorry for your loss, Rebecca. Some people are such an integral part of life that when they depart, the very meaning of life shifts forever. There are no words that are adequate. Wishing you and family strength and peace and the solace of memories.
ReplyDeleteYou said it exactly--there is nothing unchanged.
DeleteA raw and honest narrative. Well done, Rebecca.
ReplyDeleteThis is so true, and it speaks so much to the nature of loss and the pain that follows. When something tragic happens, we look back and think of all the choices and the "what ifs" should any of those choices had been made differently. Thank you for sharing something so personal. It must have been difficult.
ReplyDeleteIt was hard in one sense, but in another, writing about it and sharing that writing seems to help.
DeleteI am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. You've turned this prompt into such a fitting homage to the loss and grief of a loved one. Your ending remarks say it all, "Every life casts a long shadow, and every loss casts a long shadow. The same metaphor, but almost opposite meaning: the gift of self, and the loss of half my self." Excellent!
ReplyDeleteSome days I feel like "half" is an under-estimate, but I am learning how to live.
DeleteThank you Rebecca for this tale of loss; sad but full of hope as well. Take care. Happy WEP week.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteIt's beautiful the way you described life using shadows as a metaphor.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss. Wonderful writing. Tears.
ReplyDeleteOh, yes, tears. I used to be ashamed to cry before witnesses. Now I do it all that time.
DeleteHi Rebecca - I've been thinking of you ... but this is beautifully written and the long shadows will be there ... sometimes happy, sometimes and forever sad ... but life goes on for you and your sons. Stay safe and all the very best - Hilary
ReplyDeleteThank you, Hilary!
DeleteI'm so sorry for your loss. This is a beautifully written tribute, as well encapsulating loss and hope. I can only image the courage it took to write.
ReplyDeleteNot so much courage to write, but to share...
DeleteMy apologies--I posted this and then promptly went off into the mountains without any connectivity for a week or more. But I'll do me best to visit you all!
ReplyDeleteThat's a beautiful picture and a very sad post. I wish you the best.
ReplyDelete